Randzzz's Random Rants

I’m not scared of never meeting you… I’m scared of having met you, and let you...

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 00:27:12 -0500

I’m not scared of never meeting you…

I’m scared of having met you, and let you go…

-Randzzz-

"The world is hard because you will have to fight for the things you love or worse, fight the things..."

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 03:49:07 -0500

“The world is hard because you will have to fight for the things you love or worse, fight the things you loved.
The world is hard because the things you loved will kill you…”

- Randzzz

Perfection of The Lost

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 21:25:07 -0500

Yet you still value the things you have lost the most. Because the things you have lost are still perfect in your head. They never rusted. They never broke. They are made of the memories you once had, which only grow rosier and brighter, day by day. They are made of the dreams of how wonderful things could have been and must never suffer the indignity of actually still existing. Of being real. Of having flaws. Of breaking and deteriorating.

Only the things you no longer have will always be perfect.

-The Beast Inside My Mind-

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the..."

Thu, 11 Oct 2012 07:40:36 -0400

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second”

- Johnny Depp

"Sometimes I Beheaded them with daggers, with polearms, with knives… Sometimes I suspended..."

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 14:51:42 -0400

“Sometimes I Beheaded them
with daggers, with polearms, with knives…
Sometimes I suspended them in my room
From a pole or by a hook and cords…And Strangle them…
And When they were languishing
I committed with them the evils of the flesh…”

- The Beast Inside My Mind

Welcome To The World...

Wed, 22 Aug 2012 00:57:46 -0400

First, you need to relax. I know it’s not as warm as it once was but you get used to the cold and warmth can be found in the people around you.

Secondly, do not get used to crying to get things. Some people never grow out of it. Avoid them. Spend time around people who smile in the face of despair.

Learn from them all you can. Everyone is a lesson. A story. A unique and wondrous perspective on the chaos that is human existence. The more people you talk to, the more you understand it.

But never speak if you have the opportunity to listen. Especially if you want someone to like you. There’s nothing you can say that’ll endear someone to you as much as really and truly listening to them.

You are on day one of a sometimes remarkable, sometimes terrible, sometimes beautiful, strange and always completely unknown journey. Be ok with this. Worrying about what happens next will ruin the surprise.

You will meet strange people along the way, some good, some bad. This is a pattern that will more than likely repeat constantly as you grow up. Some things will be good, some things will be bad. Neither will ever last forever. Nothing will stay the same.

Appreciate every moment of happiness and remember it when you despair. Hold them close. And when you are happy, remember the moments of despair and think to yourself, “I told you so.”

Never let someone else define you. You are your own creation and only you decide how you feel, who you are and what you want. This can be scary at first but it is liberating to truly and utterly embrace your own identity.

People who hate you for not being like them are not worth hating back. Please, let go of hate whenever you can. Accept love whenever it is given and give it out freely. It is the most powerful force on earth.

Welcome To the World, Kireina… :)

Enjoy your stay.

- Randzzz -

Worse Than Hate...

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 11:56:00 -0400

You should know that there is something worse than hate and that is unlove.

Because hate is anger over something lost, hate is passion, hate is misguided, it’s caring for the wrong things but it is still caring.

But unlove, unlove is to unkiss, to unremember, to unhold, to undream, to undo everything that ever was and leave smooth stone behind in its wake.

No fire.

No fury.

Just, nothing.

And that is worse than hate.

- The Beast Inside My Mind -

(Retro/Intro)spect

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 13:50:56 -0400

I did an amateur survey on Twitter.

In terms of friendship, if you had to choose, would you seek for kindred spirits or those who are able to give different perspectives?

Replies varied. Some argued that friendships need common ground and mutual field of experiences. Other argued that in seeking for solutions, you would need rational arguments - preferably ones you haven’t thought of so that you make an informed decision.

Both stances made sense to me. The soft-in-the-head side of me thought of the possibility that both stances are valid and highly dependent on context. Maybe in certain conditions you would need friendships who confirm and in others you would need friendships that challenge.

After thinking, I decided we choose the people around us based on whether or not we want to be accepted for who we are, or if we want to be reminded of who we want to become.

Some of us are content with settling, that life is about being grateful, being secure and comfortable.

Some of us want to grow and be continually challenged to reach our utmost potential.

At the end of the day, we do what we have to to keep sane. The most important thing, then, is knowing what we want in life and how to get there.

And I guess that shouldn’t just apply in our choice of friendships.

Oh, and thank you so much for those who spent time to reply such a trivial question. Cheers.

-Randzzz-

On Soulmate(s)

Thu, 10 May 2012 23:18:05 -0400

There are many views on soulmates. Plato, in the Symposium, told the story of how Zeus, fearing the power of humans, split them in two - making them spend their entire lives searching for the other half. In Abrahamic religions, soulmates are generally believed to be predestined, one for each, and kept by building marriages to maintain order and fairness. Postmodern views on soulmates break them into several people; releasing love from institutional binds and allowing law to protect the vulnerable.

All the while Hollywood cashes in on our insecurities and dreams of finding the perfect person. Titanic grossed $1,851,561,750. I rest my case.

But I refuse to reduce the concept of soulmates into one person. The definition of mate is ‘one of a matched pair’. It assumes that a soul has a form. I do not see souls, by definition an ‘immaterial essence’, as something that can be matched. (Wong ngga ada bentuknya, gimana caranya ada pasangannya)

I cannot seem to stop citing on Erich Fromm’s Having and Being (emang punyanya ini doang bukunya :p) that in a post-industrial society we are designed to see people as objects. We forget that life is about experiencing and learning, not about possessing. By this assumption, soulmates are not to be attained, but to be experienced.

And what is experience if not present in various entities. I define soulmate(s) then as a soul’s companion or entities through which we find meaningful experiences.

It may come through objects, like being inspired by a painting.
It may come from activities, like praying or hugging.
It may come from places, like when we take a deep breath after seeing a breathtaking view.
It may come from life periods, defining moments in our lives - a childhood memory.
And it may come from people. From our children, partners, meaningful friendships, and a genuine moment with a stranger.

They may be simultaneous, isolated, individual, collective, separate, intact; but they have one thing in common. In their meaningfulness, they contribute to our wholeness. And in that, they accompany our souls in the only way I relate to: that they are not ours to possess.

But a means to realise that we are living.

- Randzzz -

What Everyone Says

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 23:11:08 -0400

A heart was meant to beat. And air was meant to be breathed, close to your ear. And your skin was meant to remember what mine felt like. And some songs were meant to play on repeat. And the sun was meant to come down. And we were meant to ignore it when it woke up. And days were meant to pass. And nights were meant to follow. And your eyes were meant to cry out whatever pain was left.

And I never meant to hurt you…

But I guess that’s what everyone says…

- The Beast Inside My Mind-

Utmost Understanding

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 10:49:00 -0500

Understand that, the prisons you’ve built are of your own design.

Understand that, you should be the person you wanted to be when you woke up this morning.

Understand that, the world desperately wants to love you, if you’ll let it.

Understand that, you deserve that love, even if you don’t feel like it.

Understand that, love can hit a planet like a comet.

Understand that, the rain can unrain, if you want it to.

- The Beast Inside My Mind -

Once, You Were...

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 23:39:20 -0500

All I ever wanted you to do was feel this feeling. Be this way. Exhale the sky.
All you ever did was feel different. Be away. Wash your hands with air.
All I love is a feeling. I still feel this way. I cannot breathe.

I still forget there’s air out there.
I still forget how white hot everything was.
I still forget myself.

There’s nothing wrong with this.
There’s nothing true about this.
There’s nothing.

You were once everything I felt.
You were once everything.
You were…once…

- The Beast Inside My Mind -

Like A Sandstorm

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 22:13:11 -0500

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.

-Haruki Murakami-

Part of life is not knowing. That endless doubt that follows us around like a stray cat, no matter how sure we are of our choices - there is always the ‘what if’. That suppressed thought in the back of our heads.

I’ve grown into depending on my head most of the time. Instead of dwelling in the doubt, I simply do a cost and benefit analysis (eye-roll permitted, it actually works). I refuse to dwell if it is not worth my while. I figure life is hard enough as it is, why wallow. If I’ve made a choice consciously, what I can do is deal with the consequences. I am not in control of anything aside from my own thoughts and actions.

But once in a blue moon, I listen to my heart. I stand still in the sandstorm and accept that sometimes I cannot even control myself.

And in not knowing, there is a sense of surrender that I know my head can never fully grasp for the sole reason that logic is limited - but my heart is not…

Very hate to admit it…

- Randzzz -

Nighthawk's Tale

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 01:24:34 -0500

Nighthawk is truly an ugly bird,

His face are covered with splotches as if He had been splattered with mud,

and His beak was flat and split all the way back to his ears.

He was such a sight that just seeing him,

made all other birds uncomfortable.

“Dear sun,

Please bring me to you.

I don’t care that I’ll burn and die.

Even an ugly body like mine will shine as it burns…please, take me”.

Ignoring the dizzying brightness,

Nighthawk flew like an arrow towards the sun.

But no matter how far He flew, He never got any closer to the sun.

Nighthawk was not a brother or true kin of The True Hawk.

Nighthawk had lost all hope, closing his wings, And began to fall to the ground.

And just when those weak legs were so close to the ground.

Nighthawk suddenly flew back up into the sky like a rocket.

Swung his body and ruffled his feathers.

His voice just like a hawk’s…

“I want to go in…”

Thus the nighthawk whisper.

His body began to feel very light.

He didn’t feel hot, cold, hungry, and pain either.

“I see…I died didn’t I?

I didn’t know that dying was this easy…

I don’t have to carry this burden and pain anymore.

I want to go in…”

- The Beast Inside My Mind -

"I’m in love with my lust… Burning angel’s wing to dust…"

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 00:01:08 -0500

“I’m in love with my lust…
Burning angel’s wing to dust…”

- The Beast Inside My Mind

Odd

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 22:13:49 -0400

And maybe something’s missing in your mind.

Maybe you don’t work the same way everyone else does.

Maybe you’re just different…

That would be a good news…

- The Beast Inside My Mind -

"People who find out they are asleep are actually half awake already… Deep down, everyone..."

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 07:27:43 -0400

“People who find out they are asleep are actually half awake already…
Deep down, everyone already knows what they want to do…”

- The Beast Inside My Mind

Ignota

Thu, 11 Aug 2011 07:27:56 -0400

I’m made of dreams and memories.

I am made of misheard whispers in the dark.

I am made of glances across crowded rooms.

Of the closeness of strangers in a line outside a movie.

I am made of the corners of your mouth.

I am made of awkward elevator rides and the lack of security one finds on a doorstep, at the end of the evening, when one has enjoyed the company of another.

I am made of the train tracks that take me home.

I am made of ghost notes, from songs you never heard.

So forgive my absence….

- The Beast Inside My Mind -

I Dreamed a Dream

Thu, 16 Jun 2011 13:06:05 -0400

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made…and used…and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no beer untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tore your hope apart
As they turn your dreams to shame

I had a dream my life would be
So different from the hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed…

- Randzzz-

Weight of Our Lifes

Fri, 20 May 2011 10:47:22 -0400

How much does your life weigh?

Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life. You start with the little things: the shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV.

The backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home. I want you to stuff it all into that backpack.

Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office. And then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend.

You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag…

Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises.

The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living.

Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans.

We are not swans. We are sharks…

Quotes from : Up In The Air

- The Beast Inside My Mind -