January 2012
1 post
1 tag
Once, You Were...
All I ever wanted you to do was feel this feeling. Be this way. Exhale the sky. All you ever did was feel different. Be away. Wash your hands with air. All I love is a feeling. I still feel this way. I cannot breathe.
I still forget there’s air out there. I still forget how white hot everything was. I still forget myself.
There’s nothing wrong with this. There’s nothing...
December 2011
2 posts
1 tag
Like A Sandstorm
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. -Haruki Murakami- Part of life is not knowing. That endless doubt that follows us around like a stray cat, no matter how sure we are of our choices -...
2 tags
Nighthawk's Tale
Nighthawk is truly an ugly bird,
His face are covered with splotches as if He had been splattered with mud,
and His beak was flat and split all the way back to his ears.
He was such a sight that just seeing him,
made all other birds uncomfortable.
“Dear sun,
Please bring me to you.
I don’t care that I’ll burn and die.
Even an ugly body like mine will shine as it...
November 2011
1 post
“I’m in love with my lust…
Burning angel’s wing to dust…”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
October 2011
1 post
1 tag
Odd
And maybe something’s missing in your mind.
Maybe you don’t work the same way everyone else does.
Maybe you’re just different…
That would be a good news…
- The Beast Inside My Mind -
September 2011
1 post
“People who find out they are asleep are actually half awake already…
Deep...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
August 2011
1 post
Ignota
I’m made of dreams and memories.
I am made of misheard whispers in the dark.
I am made of glances across crowded rooms.
Of the closeness of strangers in a line outside a movie.
I am made of the corners of your mouth.
I am made of awkward elevator rides and the lack of security one finds on a doorstep, at the end of the evening, when one has enjoyed the company of another.
I am...
June 2011
1 post
1 tag
I Dreamed a Dream
I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving Then I was young and unafraid And dreams were made…and used…and wasted There was no ransom to be paid No song unsung, no beer untasted But the tigers come at night With their voices soft as thunder As they tore your hope apart As they...
May 2011
1 post
1 tag
Weight of Our Lifes
How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life. You start with the little things: the shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV. The backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch,...
March 2011
2 posts
1 tag
Silent Absence
And I’m sorry if I haven’t written to you in a while. It’s just that life gets in the way of living. It’s just that my fingers were stuck together. It’s just that all the paper in the world caught fire.
You’ll forgive me if I haven’t written in a while. It’s just that all the envelopes made love to dragonflies and now, we cannot bring them down....
1 tag
Lives In The Lifeless Life
What happened to me lately? How come that I feel so much more…mature? Do I? Is mature the word? Adult maybe? I don’t know…it’s just…that suddenly I feel like going to work and coming home gives me a small reason to live…I am still depressed every Sunday…and that might be because I know that I’ve to go back to work again on Monday…and the only...
January 2011
1 post
“I lied when I told you I can.
I know it doesn’t seem like a big thing...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
December 2010
3 posts
1 tag
Define Yourself
This afternoon, one topic came out from our conversation. We both trying to defining ourself. And it boggles my mind that to understand each other we need to stand on the same common ground. For example, just like what we’re doing when studying from a textbook.
All textbooks, no matter speaking of what topics in which contexts, they all start with the establishment of common ground. The...
1 tag
The Beast That Won't Die
Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever...
1 tag
To Have Or To Be?
A few days ago, we talked about our plans in the future. What do we want to gain in this life. To have something, to be something. And it makes me curious about the differences between “To be” and “To Have”. So I decided to find an answer to that question.
I read this book written by the philosopher Erich Fromm, he forecast a society that was obsessed with possessions....
November 2010
3 posts
1 tag
The Ideal World
Last night I had an intense conversation about ideal world, diversity, and tolerance…This idea is keep buzzing my mind, even after we decide to change the topic to the more casual one…And then she was overslept -.- . So I decide to find a reference and wrote this post…
Ok, here it is :
In an ideal world, everything is reciprocal. A kind act is returned with another kind...
“A man begins dying at the moment of his birth…
Most people live in denial...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
Someone Woke Up...
Someone woke up today…
Someone woke up today and kissed someone they love on the forehead. Someone woke up today and kissed someone they love on the forehead, before they left. Someone woke up today and kissed someone they love on the forehead, before they left, they said
“I love you. Have a good day. I’ll speak to you later.”
Someone woke up today and kissed someone...
October 2010
1 post
Random Rants
Memories…why do humans have memories? Are memories there to remind us? Or are they there to fix things? Are they there to torture or hurt us? Or are they there to make us smile and happy? Probably,it’s different from person to person…in my case, many memories have a “soundtrack”…I think of certain moments when I hear certain songs.
Currently,I’m...
September 2010
1 post
1 tag
Hit? or Miss?
“As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality”
- Albert Einstein -
I was watching a boy make basketball shots using toy ring. When he concentrated on the momentum of shooting, there are several deterministic variables that decide whether or not the ball goes through the ring; distance, the...
August 2010
2 posts
1 tag
So Ask...
Recently, there was a moment where upon admitting not knowing something, I was laughed at. Finally, you don’t know something, the person said. But funnily though, I felt not an ounce of shame. I honestly wanted to know. I honestly accepted that I know little and I am here to learn. I don’t think there’s any shame in learning. I’m more afraid of not asking questions...
1 tag
Lux Aeterna
Sitting in my desolate room…in the illuminating light of a bunch of candles…listening to Portishead “A song to fuck to”…what a strange title for a song with a strange sound…it sounds like drugs…like velvet and silk…it makes me shiver and my mind starts to leave my body and head…it’s going on a spiritual journey…far, far away from what the sadly, depressing moment that we call...
July 2010
8 posts
1 tag
“Nobody is courageous all the time.
The unknown is a constant challenge,
and...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
1 tag
“And even if somebody could have shown you the place you wanted,
Well I sure you...”
– Randzzz
2 tags
Hope to Burn...
I’m burning off the best parts of me just to keep you warm.
I just need something from you to tell me that I’m not wasting my time.
This can’t go on forever.
This can’t go on at all.
Eventually you have to want it as bad as I do.
I hope you start fighting soon…
- Randzzz -
“There is no need to escape. To break the chains. To storm the gates. To pick the...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
1 tag
Memories And Lessons
Why do we remember certain memories and not others? I ask myself. Then I started reading.
Several theorists agree that our brains are conceptually similar to a blackboard. Try writing on it with a chalk while putting pressure on certain points and erasing it afterward. The pressure points will leave a mark while the ones written without pressure could be easily erased. The same goes with...
1 tag
Home Sweet (Not My) Home (Anymore)
Back home, everything’s black.
Back home, no ones free.
Back home, I barely eat.
Back home, I’m looking for a friend but I got none.
Back home, problems are everywhere.
Back home, we all bleed.
Back home, life’s a pain.
Back home, we got a lot of shit on our minds.
Back home, I barely have a little space. A space that called “mine”
Back home, I am...
2 tags
Untold Farewell
On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any...
1 tag
Mind Vs Time
The people who were constantly around you before, are no longer there. Some get married, some have children, some stay the way they were. Or they just simply vanish. You wake up and realise everything is the same. Or different. Or neither. You sleep and dream of things that were or will be. You cannot help but wonder, how things will be tomorrow or yesterday. If yesterday was something you...
June 2010
13 posts
Plato On Love And Marriage →
One day, Plato asked his teacher, “What is love? How can I find it?”
The teacher answered, “There’s a large wheat field in front. Walk there without turning back, and take just one leaf. If you can find one leaf that you think is extraordinary, it means you have found love.”
So Plato walked…and not long after that, he came back empty-handed.
The teacher asked him, “Why, you don’t bring any...
1 tag
“There are moments of such pure, sublime, unparalleled perfection that they will...”
– Randzzz
1 tag
Becoming The Leader
Recently, a Professor told me that he thinks I have the potential to become a leader but I lack the self-confidence to take the role. He advised me to learn to believe in myself more and take charge. I don’t fully agree with him, but I do think his opinion is valid in one way. I do think I lack self-confidence, more in lack of self-assurance. But I embrace it as part of who I am, I...
1 tag
“If you can’t stop desiring the things you can’t get,
pause and...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
1 tag
The Not So Dark 'Dark Ages'
There was a period in my life where I was a horrible student. All through my high school to the fifth (yes…fifth!) years of university. I was the student sitting in the back of the class, reading another book that had nothing to do with the subject. The one who skipped a period bribing the security officer to escape from the school, because I didn’t like the teacher (and the...
1 tag
1 tag
The Haunted
You are in some songs that still get played on the radio when the DJ is feeling nostalgic.
You are in a book you once lent me (never returned) with yellowed pages.
You are in trees when I touch them, even ones without names carved into them.
You are in the way someone on the street laughs as I pass them.
You are in a box I keep filled with letters.
You are in a ring I no longer wear.
And,...
2 tags
The List Of Hatred
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who won’t let me in on the freeway. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having to let people in on the freeway. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s waking up to 50 assholes pretending to be me. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s waking up feeling like an asshole because I yelled at those assholes. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who turn the ...
1 tag
“A person crying loudly in public may not be truly sad inside…
The ones...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
Sepasang Kekasih Yang Pertama Bercinta Di Luar...
Sepasang Kekasih Yang Pertama Bercinta Di Luar...
Di rentang waktu yang berjejal dan memburai, kau berikan, Sepasang tanganmu terbuka dan membiru, enggan Di gigir yang curam dan dunia yang tertinggal, gelap membeku Sungguh, peta melesap dan udara yang terbakar jauh
Kita adalah sepasang kekasih yang pertama bercinta di luar angkasa
Seperti takkan pernah pulang (yang menghilang) kau membias di udara dan terhempaskan cahaya Seperti takkan...
1 tag
Adolf Hitler
Ich konnte all die Juden in dieser Welt zu zerstören, aber ich lasse ein wenig drehte-on,so können Sie herausfinden, warum ich sie getötet
(I was able to destroy all the Jews in this world, but I let a little lives on, so you can figure out why I killed her)
So any comments?
May 2010
4 posts
1 tag
Tired Of This
Are there only mindless people left on this planet? How come that people are so quick to judge others without any prove? Just by things that they see? Don’t they know that the eye can deceive the mind? I really don’t understand it anymore…it sickens me!
I can understand that people are assuming things and I think it’s just human. Everyone does it. I assume either of course…but I...
1 tag
“You were a dream….Then a reality…Now a memory….”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
1 tag
The Books Never Written
Dragons, angels, gnomes, creatures beneath the earth that make words with hammers, a shooting star that shoots back, rain falling from the ground to the sky, bars that refuse to serve dwarfs or wanderers, a fountain that makes you young (and lonely) while those around you grow old, saplings that know everything, a sea made of tears from every lover who never loved, a silver boat with a sail...
1 tag
The Day Time Waited For Me
And so, I wait because you have already left and my work here, is done. I wait and wonder how my skin feels like it’s made of love letters written a hundred years too soon (too late). I wonder at the mystery of life and how much of it can possibly remain. I wonder at pain and hurt and love and time and how much of each I held. I wonder at how I cannot remember anything in my life before I...
April 2010
7 posts
“One By One the anchors that hold me into this city are vanishing…Better be...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind
1 tag
Dear Diary
Dear diary Let me tell you about my story I know it’s rather sad But that’s the way I feel Dear diary I don’t know if this is right or not Start it thinking of leaving her But I’m afraid it might hurt her All I want is for everything in the right place And everyone is happy Is it too much to ask for? All I want is for everything in the right place So everyone is happy Is that too ...
1 tag
“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together...”
– The Beast Inside My Mind